Journal Entry: Reflecting on past relationships & friendships

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~★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★~

“If you stay in the company of anger, pain, or hurt, happiness will find someone else to visit. Make the choice to view all of your past relationships as a gift. Throw out what hasn’t worked in the past and incorporate new concepts. Focus on being happy.”
Kristen Crockett, The Gift of Past Relationships

~★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★~

Valentines Day is fast approaching and Spring Break will be next. Thinking about these two “holidays” have made me look back at my past romantic relationships and my friendships I’ve had in the past few years. 

I’ve only really dated when I was in high school and after that it was hard to find someone with the same interests as my own. I mean…I’m also not the most social person out there so making friends in general is already quite difficult. The many friends I had in high school are no where to be found. We’ve all gone our separate ways and it’s difficult to hang out. It’s also kinda awkward because most of us don’t really speak to each other anymore so the strong friendships we once had aren’t the same. The boyfriends I’ve had in high school were just mediocre. It was just all for fun and to be in the crowd. 

Now that I’m older and slowly figuring out who I am, what I want and what I don’t want, I’m grateful for all the people I had in my past life. Thanks to my exes, my past friendships, my teachers, and even to a few strangers; Thank you for helping me on this road of self discovery. I’ve really grown so much as a person and gone out of my shell that I always hid under. There’s no more hiding behind my friends back expecting them to do all the talking. No more making up excuses to why I don’t want to date because I’m “too shy” or “self-conscious” about my image. None of that is needed anymore because I’m learning to put myself out there and be on my own.

Although I still don’t fully know what I want to do with my life just yet, I do know what kind of people I want in my life. I remember back when I was in middle school and the first part of high school…I didn’t want to be associated with anyone who made me look weird and “uncool.”  Life is funny though because guess what? Now I’m one of “them.” Where I once used to hate reading book and all of those nerdy and geeky things, now I absolutely love them. I want to meet people that have the same interest as me whether it’s their love for anime or their love for gardening, crafts, music etc… I want to keep meeting different people from different backgrounds. I love learning more about different cultures and just getting to know different people who might have different opinions than my own. 

Relationship wise I’m still figuring it out. Like I said, being a shy, awkward, and antisocial person makes it hard to find someone. I’m currently twenty years old and only dated once since graduating high school which was about 3 years ago. The relationship I ended up having made me realize that maybe the reason that I haven’t dated for so long is because I’m just not ready or I simply just haven’t found the right one. However, I’m extremely thankful to my ex for helping me get out of my comfort zone. Thanks to him I was able to figure out what kind of man I really wanted as a companion. 

Although my friends from high school and I don’t hang out much, I’m still grateful to have had them in my life everyday at one point. My first two years out of high school were hard because I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was still not comfortable enough to start a conversation with someone at school and didn’t have the confidence I now have. Now, I’m happy to say that I’m doing much better and putting myself out there to try to at least talk to my classmates. I still haven’t found a “best friend” who loves anime, youtube, and gaming. That’s a work in progress but I do have a few online besties I talk to often. I just find it easier to meet people with the same interest online than in person. Online I can be as awkward and weird as I want. Hopefully by the end of this year I can say that I have a new best friend or just good friend. 

I’m thankful for every friendships and relationship I had on my journey. Thank you for being my stepping stone onto this long steep stoned road. Thanks for the advise and courage you all have given me and for pushing me to get out there. I’m looking forward until the end of 2017 where I’ll be able to reflect once again at all the accomplishments and see how much I’ve grown as a person. 

~XoXo, Mayra

~★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★─☆。o゚。★~

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